Why Can’t I Use the N Word?

The world recently learned the damage one little word can inflict. It can cause college students to be expelled, a fraternity to be shut down, freedom of speech retaliatory lawsuits, and endless blogs and comments on social media. We are talking, of course, about the word nigger – or to be politically correct – the N word. How can one word hold so much power? Is it like when you repeatedly tell a child they cannot say something that they invariably will say it – just ‘cause? Or is it said with the malicious intent to degrade and belittle? But it’s just a word. So why is it not OK to go around chanting the N word?

Saying It Labels You a Racist

I don’t believe that everyone who says the N word is racist. Perhaps that’s just the eternal optimist in me. Admittedly, I don’t like to hear the word. And yes, the fact that black people have carte blanche to say it and white people do not seems like a double standard. But in the case of SAE, as I suspect often happens with young people, I want to believe the N word was said out of sheer ignorance. Ignorance to the history behind it and ignorance about the effect it still has on many people of color. Ask any black person and I’ll bet they can immediately recall the first time they were called the N word.

I was in 5th grade. Picture a small, predominantly white town in rural Pennsylvania. I was used to being the only black kid in the class – so much so that I didn’t realize I was different. I had attended this elementary school since I was in kindergarten. I was the smart kid. I was well-liked and had a circle of white friends. I dare say for a brief moment of my life, I was popular. So when the time came for our 5th grade field trip to the Railroad Museum, my friends and I piled on the bus, eager to get the “best” seats (away from the teachers). No sooner had we settled in, when “Brad” appeared (yes, names have been changed).


Brad was relatively new to our school, with platinum blond hair, blue eyes, and a snobby attitude. He looked at me and said, “Move. I’m sitting here.” Honestly, I can’t remember the words that were exchanged; only that it seemed like a standoff between his friends and mine. I remember saying no and refusing to move. The next thing I know he sneers at me and says “nigger” and walks away. Insert stunned silence. I held back a river of tears. I felt embarrassed. My friends said nothing; just looked at me with pity (which made it worse). It was the first time I truly felt different and had the realization that they saw me as different. I was regarded – as least by this one conceited new kid – as separate and different because my skin was brown and his wasn’t.

The Meaning Behind This Hurtful Word

No matter how much black people try to “take it back,” “own” it, or call it a term of endearment, saying the N word is never going to be OK, whether you’re black or white. The word nigger originated from the word negro (the Spanish and Portuguese word for black), and was probably the result of mispronunciation. But it wasn’t until the early 19th century, in the United States, that the word was first regarded as a pejorative, starting with slavery and lasting though decades of lynching, Jim Crow laws, and segregation. It was a time when blacks were regarded as “second class” citizens. No matter how you try to serve it up, the N word will always have those ugly connotations.


Today, I couldn’t care less what anyone calls me. I know that most people spouting off this word are uninformed souls to be pitied – and who perhaps need to be schooled a little bit on history. I would probably feel different if it was a word I was called my whole life. I can only remember it happening twice in my youth. I guess I was lucky. I know there are plenty of people who are not like me, who are not as forgiving of others’ ignorance. For some, the N word immediately recalls that ugly, blood-stained period in American History. For others, it is the sad realization that white people will never be able to see past their skin color, no matter that they actually have more things in common with them than not.


Despite the N word being almost “mainstream” because of pop culture, we must teach young people the history behind the word. Better yet, we should encourage getting to know others outside of one’s race. Have them focus on similarities rather than differences, to see the unity in the diversity. I bet some of those SAE boys chanting along with that awful song were probably just reveling in the chance to say something taboo. Add alcohol to the mix and it’s a recipe for public embarrassment. Expelling the two supposed ringleaders seems extreme, given they weren’t doing anything that had not been done before. (And no, I’m not saying what they did was OK!) But apparently someone had to be blamed and action had to be taken. They were the examples of “racist behavior that will no longer be tolerated.” I loved Jamelle Bouie’s suggestion for the SAE members: Instead of expelling them for racism, educate them on what their words mean by visiting with the descendants of the 1921 race riots.

Leading by Example

My 5-year old bi-racial daughter recently obsessed over Taye Diggs’ children’s book called Chocolate Me. She made me read it over and over. Finally, after realizing it wasn’t about chocolate cupcakes (she really wanted it to be about that), she said “I’m caramel me.” She is aware of differences, but still sees it all through a lens of pure innocence. I think about 10-year old “Brad” and I know he was only modeling what his parents taught him. That venom with which he spewed that word he had, no doubt, heard uttered before. Our children mirror the best and the worst of us. So why not always strive for the best. Expelling students and shutting down institutions to make examples of them only serves to suppress a symptom rather than address the cause. We can start to address the cause by letting go of this hurtful, racially charged word. Just like we’ve done with blatherskite, coxcomb, and poltroon, let’s add the N word to the list of archaic words that are no longer in everyday use. Eventually it will lose meaning and its power over us.